i love you. you know that.

gue benci gue benci gue benci!!!! gue benci kenyataan kalo pacar gue, nano, itu SALAH dimata gue. dan gue benci kenyataan kalo gue udah bener bener JAHAT sama dia. bukan 'jahat' dalam arti gue selingkuh sama dia atau segala macam. gue jahat karena gue terlalu egois. kenapa sih gue egois??? :O kenapa gue ga bisa ngerti keinginan dia dan berubah seperti yang dia mau? :(

nano udah dateng jauh jauh dari kemang ke rumah gue di ulujami, saat jam-nya orang pulang kerja. dan tau seberapa macet-nya jakarta? yak, dia butuh dua jam perjalanan naik MOTOR TIGER yang God knows how heavy it is. dan pas nyampe rumah gue, dia nanyain tentang si Rizki, cowok yang baru gue kenal, dan dia langsung ngomong 'ciee, itu di Twitter udah kayak orang pacaran aja kamu sama Rizki' dan gue murka seketika. gue dengan jahatnya ngacangan dia dan nyuruh dia pulang. ngusir. dia, gue, usir. dia megang tangan gue gue tepis, dia 'mencoba' gelitikin gue, gue tepis dengan tampang super bete, dia minta peluk ga gue kasih. dan, ya, akhirnya dia pulang setelah gue bilang 'aku mau ke atas, kalo kamu ga pulang sekrang, ya..' dan setelah sekian lama nanyain gue kenapa. pas dia nanyain gue, gue dengan sekuat tenaga nahan air mata gue. pas dia pulang, baru mau ngidupin motornya, air mata gue tumpah, ga bisa dibendung lagi. gue ga tau dia ngeliat gue nangis apa engga. mudah mudahan engga.

sebenernya gue bukan cuma marah gara gara dia over-protective sama gue, gue marah karena dia bikin gue memosisikan diri dia jadi orang yang ga bisa dipercaya.gue pengen percaya sama dia, tapi nano dengan mudahnya bakal matahin janji dia sendiri, kata kata dia sendiri. gue adalah orang yang bener bener megang kata kata gue, jadi gue ga bisa terima kalo gue di-sepikin. gue sedih. sedih banget. kepercayaan itu ga bisa dibeli no, dan kepercayaan gue sama kata kata lu itu udah hampir habis.


omong omong soal nano nanyain si Rizki dan ketidak percayaan dia sama gue, for the record, dengan bangga gue mengatakan bawa gue bener bener cewek yang setia. walupun kalo lagi jalan mata gue suka ngelirik cowok cowok kece, gue GA PERNAH SELINGKUH DI BELAKANG NANO. gue kalo ada cerita apapun, tentang gue dengan cowok siapa pun itu, gue selalu cerita ke nano. SELALU. ga pernah engga. bahkan waktu itu gue jalan berdua sama temen SMP gue, dia ngerangkul gue dan ngegandeng tangan gue pun gue lapor ke nano walaupun gue tau gue ga bakal boleh jalan sama tu anak lagi semenjak itu...

kenapa lu ga bisa percaya sama gue? kenapa...? :(

gue ga bakal kemana mana kok. gue bakal ada disini setiap lu butuh gue. gue bakal ngedukung lu setiap kali lu lagi jatuh atau lu punya masalah gue bakal jadi pendengar yang baik dan gue sebisa mungkin ngehibur lu, walaupun, maaf, gue bukan penghibur yang baik dan berkemampuan menghibur yang sangat pas pas-an... gue pengen lu percaya sama gue...

gue tau kok kalo lu cemburu itu lu artinya sayang sama gue dan ga mau kehilangan gue, tapi ga gitu juga caranya... lu pengen gue ga punya temen dan mati dalam kebosanan? sekalian aja lu bunuh gue pake pisau bergerigi biar sakitnya sampe keubun ubun!

kalo masalah gue terlalu care sama cowok, itu karena emang gue dari sananya begitu! bukan PHP, bukan kegenitan, bukan murahan, tapi karena emang gue dari sananya emang udah dilahirkan sedemikian rupa! gue care sama cowok, karena cowok itu pada dasarnya sama sama cewek, butuh diperhatikan, butuh disayang, butuh dimengerti, butuh temen ngobrol yang ACTUALLY talk about something, bukan yang cuma ngomong ngalor ngidul. gue tau, dan gue ngerti. itu masalahnya. dan gue suka berada diantara cowok cowok, karena kalo lu udah ngasih perhatian lu yang mereka butuhin, mereka bakal care sama lu balik, i like the 'safe' feeling that i get when they care. ga perlu pacaran buat sayang/care sama cowok. just be there when they need you. itu udah cukup kok. temen /sahabat/ juga bisa saling menyayangi.

yang lu perlu tau no, hati gue bukan cuma buat lu. sayang gue ga cuma buat lu, walupun ya, gue ngaku kalo sebagian besar hati gue udah direbut sama lu♥. tapi, gue suka membagi kasih sayang gue sama orang lain, orang orang yang kebanyakan ga mendapatkan cukup kasih sayang dari rumah, kayak gue, remaja remaja bingung. gue sayang sama temen temen gue, dan gue dengan berat hati harus minta elu berbagi sama orang lain. you're not my life. you're a HUGE part of it, but you're not entirely my life. i'm sorry..

this is me, i have tried to change my self the way you wanted me to be, but i realized that i didn't want to change. if you love me, don't change me. love me for who i am, not for who i'm not. i love you, i will always be. you know that.

my boyfriend's age xD

so i was chatting with this girl about my boyfriend and how he looked so old.. here are the chats, read the ones with red tetragon around it :)









parah banget!! hahahahahahahahahaha masa sih nano keliatan setua itu? padahal umurnya baru 26 loh! iya. baru. kalo dibandingin sama gue yang umurnya baru 15 ya jelas jauh, tapi kalo dibilang umurnya 35?! itu kejam. kejahatan!! hahahahahahaha oh pacarku tua sekali hahahaha xD



yak! ini dia pacarku yang penyakit mas-masnya noraknya lagi kambuh haha haduh. tua ya? iya sih haha apa gue putusin aja?-_- wkwk eh engga deng no, becanda wkwk :P ♥

sleepover at audika's♥

i spent my saturday night at audika's. i wasn't planning to, but her mom didn't let me come home and so did with her dad. so i stayed at her home for a night. back then when i was still at audika's, i wanted to write here so badly about how i was doing in her home and about her family's hospitality, but she said she didn't have internet connection in her house, which pretty much suck :P and i'm already at home now, save and sound, with my internet connection so, i'm ready to write!



this is audika. she looks stupid but don't let the picture fool you. she's actually pretty smart. she does stupid things but that doesn't mean that she's stupid, right? :P

it was two days ago, audika texted me, BRAGGING about me going to her home to sleepover at her house and i said yes because i was bored to death /i still am/. yesterday morning, when i told my mom that i was going to sleepover at audika's, she didin't let me, i didn't think that she would anyway... the other reason i didn't force my mom to let me go was because me and my mother live by ourselves. i didn't want her to be alone and she's old, i was afraid that something would happen to her when i'm gone. oh scary thought.. my sister and brother have already married and had their own houses, so they don't live here anymore. and for my father, he died when i was eight. so there's no one who could take care of my mom, except me. every time i walk out of the front door, i'm afraid.

so, back to the story. i went to audika's, not bringing any clothes. i just brought my little blue bag filled with my stuffs; mascara, loose face powder, lip gloss, and tissue. and other important thing that i would not forget to bring, my headset.

i went there by bus and this little thing called becak. i was so shocked that there was a becak in her neighborhood. i thought it wasn't existed anymore :P



becak :P

and when i arrived at her house, the first thing that shocked me most was HER ROOM WAS SO NEAT. it was crazy actually. i knew that audika was such a neat and well-organized person but i never thought that she was THAT neat. i was almost speechless but thank God i found my voice again. and it was so clean, a hundred percent different with my house. my house was such a mess. you can't have a clean and tidy house if you have kids running around all day /my sister come here often, and her daughter usually brings a colony of kids :L /.

so, how could i end up staying overnight in her house? her mother kept telling me to stay overnight and didn't let me go, and kind of 'forced' me to stay. she said "its too dangerous for a girl too travel alone at night. audika's father wouldn't let you go either. so, you stay here" and i said my mom didn't let me and then she said "she would. tell her i said so". so that was exactly what i did. i stayed overnight and without doubt, i had such a great time. but i didn't even bring my underwear! it was so gross because i had to wear it again after i had shower in the morning. ugh.

i spent the rest of the day with reading magazines, reading audika's novels, watching Swan Lake and Rapunzel, going to the mall, going to the 'haunted house', and cutting her magazines so that i could put it in my bedroom wall.


and audika's mom, oh, i need a whole paragraph to tell about her. she's great. she's nice, she sure as hell loves audika. although i think that she and her husband spoil audika too much. it might be a good thing, it might be not. i'm not going to critic audika's parents way of growing her, they had been really nice to me. even if they hadn't, i wouldn't critic them either. audika has grown as a really nice and beautiful teenager. though she acts so stupid sometimes /oh, i have said that already/, but she's really nice. i think she follows her mom's behaviors. another plus point for her mom is that she's really beautiful. i'm not gonna lie, audika's mother is more beautiful than her. it was shocking. her mom's so beautiful. that's most likely because she has inside beauty. you can say i'm corny but i'm serious. if you have ever met someone who is really nice, you would know what i'm talking about right now. and other thing that i like from her, is that she treated me like i was a part of her family. not a guest. /you have to note that i, at the moment, am not being a little too confident in saying this. i know what i saw and felt/. that automatically made me so comfortable. she didn't offer food under my nose, like many parents do when i visit their houses, and she didn't ignore me either. it's somewhere in between, balance. she acted like i would pick whatever it is i wanted as if i was at my own house and she acted like she would like it if i did. i can honestly say that she's an angel.

so, that would be it. audika's family is great. they are better than great. i really hope i could go there again anytime soon :)

stupid coversation

and this dude named rizki right here, i have no idea what he's talking about. we were talking about address and then all of sudden he said 'she still loves you' i mean seriously that doesn't have anything to do with the conversation me and spencer were having. fucking weird xD

"How to see who viewed your profile" invitation

what is with these people??? i mean, seriously. that's just so fucked. 9 same invitations at the same time, in a row??? god dammit

nyokap dan penyakit pelit terhadap diri sendiri-nya yang kronis

najis ya Allah najiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis gue punya nyokap pelitnya naujubilahhiminjalik. gila ya parah banget, kan ada sodara gue, terus udah waktunya makan malem, jadilah nyokap gue beli ayam goreng tepung di deket rumah gue. se-jam setelah sodara gue makan, gue mau makan juga. DAN TERNYATA NYOKAP GUE CUMA BELI DUA AYAM, SATU BUAT SODARA GUE DAN SATU BUAT GUE. itu pelitnya keterlaluan. lagsung gue marah dan pengen masak mie, dan ternyata ga ada gas. PERFECT TIMING. FUCKING PERFECT. dan gue belom makan sekarang. ga bakal makan sampe nyokap gue beli gas.

satu yang perlu lu tau, gue ga marah karena gue harus berbagi makanan gue sama nyokap gue. gue marah gara gara nyokap gue tuh suka pelit sama dirinya sendiri. APASIH SALAHNYA makan masakan luar sekali sekali? walaupun bisa dibilang itu 'agak' mahal buat kantong nyokap gue... /semuanya mahal buat kantong nyokap gue/. kenapa nyokap ga bisa ngasih something nice for herself? it doesn't have to be all the time, just, sometimes. gue bisa kok makan mie aja, ga perlu kali beli cuma buat gue aja ihhhhh kesel gue

dan KALO besok pagi itu ayam belom dimakan sama nyokap gue, bakal gue BUANG tu ayam. bodo. sayang sayang deh. bodo amat. MAKANYA KALO PELIT JANGAN LEBAY.

weird shit

I'M IN SHOCK. this girl, i have no idea who she is and how the hell i'm friends with her. she asked me out of the blue and just left! what a freak

and she asked me about that Justin Fucking Bieber. oh, SHE HAS GOT to be kidding me

Human = A Natural Liar?

Human is basically a liar. People LIE. Some said they lie for good, some lie for their own good, some lie to get what they want, some lie to make a joke, some lie to themselves, and the others lie to avoid humiliating themselves in front of other people. They are all characterized as the same, one word, LIE. It’s the same. There’s no difference in lying. As i said before, people DO lie. No, believe me, its a part of our life. Parents lie to their kids, kids lie to their parents, boys lie to their girls and also the opposite, etc etc.

I lie and I don’t hate liars, because if i do, that means i hate myself too and that would make me feel like such a hypocrite. So if you say you hate liars, then you hate yourself and you lie. Even the most honest person in the world has lied at least once in his/her life, which i don’t believe there’s someone that honest in this fucked up world. Don’t tell me you never lie because with that you’ve lied to me and yourself. Congratulation on being liars, people. Because we are all good at that. Way to go to destroy our life. I think we should celebrate this and the government should make a Lie Day or something. That, FYI, was sarcasm. I, in fact, believe we can’t make this world a better place for us and our next generation. Or better, don’t make babies. That’d just make everything shittier.

Beastly

Minggu lalu, pas liburan baru di mulai, gue minjem novel dari kakak gue. Judulnya “Beastly”. Novel ini menceritakan tentang perjalanan seorang ‘beast’ dengan latar belakang seperti cerita Beauty and The Beast pada abad 21. The book is pretty cool actually. It’s got some heavy stuff in there, make you think about your perspective of life and how you should be changing it at that moment. I’m just gonna re-post some quotable stuff:D

" "kecantikan luar: rambut pirang, mata biru."-dia menatapku-"selalu gampang dikenali. tapi jika ada orang yang lebih berani, lebih kuat, lebih pintar, hal itu lebih sulit untuk dikenali" "

" "tak masalah. aku memang seorang perempuan. setiap gadis pasti pernah berpura pura bahwa dirinya adalah seorang putri, tak peduli betapa sedikitnya persamaan hidup mereka dengan para putri yang sesungguhnya. dan aku menyukai gagasan 'hidup bahagia selamanya'" "

" aku bisa saja hidup seperti ayahku yang tidak memiliki apa apa dalam hidupnya selain uang dan penampilan. aku mungkin akan merasa tidak bahagia tanpa mengetahui alasannya. "

" "-penampilan sangat penting bagi sebagian orang. seperti itulah kenyataanya di dunia ini." "

" "mungkin kita terlalu menilai orang dari penampilannya, karena itu lebih mudah daripada harus melihat sesuatu yang benar-benar penting" "

" "rasanya sangat menyenangkan saat hidupmu memberimu kesempatan kedua" "

jadi, itu hanya beberapa dari sekian banyak quote yang menyentuh and actually makes you think :O enjoy the book, have a good read! :D

Why Tumblr SUCKS

Today is Friday and i’ve got a week off school because the senior students were going through their national examination. And today would be the last day of my holiday so, i was thinking, ‘what should i do in this very beautiful day, to not making it wasted?’ and i thought about my Tumblr that is not working as i wanted it to be, a blog. Tumblr is such a pain. I mean, it’s like a daily Flickr or something, which SUCKS. I wanted to have a blog where i can write to and post whatever the hell i want and SERIOUSLY, Tumblr is nothing like that. And here i am, writing in my new blog, a Blogspot one. i gotta admit though, Tumblr is cooler, but i feel more comfortable in Blogspot :)

so, why does tumblr suck? first, because it doesn't allow us to be who we really are. i feel like i'm forced to post beautiful pictures of beautiful people. why does it have to be beautiful anyway? what's with people wanting everything to be straight-A perfect? there's no such thing as perfection! people get things like pimples and cricket teeth, but there MUST be something beautiful about them, somewhere in there. people have to see more deeply than the outlook in a person.

second, i think tumblr isn't a blog at all. my definition of blog is when you share something about YOURSELF and most people in tumbr don't share about themselves, they 'reblog' other's. or just post other people's pictures. though some of them DO share about themselves, but i can't figure out one's mind in looking at one's highlited-hair picture.

blogspot rocks! :D

First Post. Again

Hello everyone :) i’m Hanny and this is my first post in this blog. I have a lot of blogs and i always did first posts on them, and so do with this one. i wonder why...

So, now, i’m just gonna write some random stuff about my self =)

My full name is Hanny Julifa Vini, i was born in July 17th 1996. I’m a 10th grade student in Jakarta. I love reading, writing, talking, making out.

Do stuff, be random. Peace.